An Update and an Apology

Well, I have been working on alts a lot lately. My tauren druid Bearkat is 76 and tanking stuff like a pro (which I am not, har har). Talía the Belf rogue is slowly getting up there, sitting at 26 now. Rynia the warlock is almost 74 and going through the Wrathgate quest chain. My undead shadow priest Caderlly is 74 too, and doing Wrathgate from the horde side. And my death knight Riatha is finally up to 79, and working on getting her to 80 next. I have been doing a little bit on my neglected draenei shammy too. She is dual specced for elemental now, and I'm trying to collect some caster gear for her (with help from a friend). On hindsight, I probably should have just saved the gold and respecced her, rather than buying her dual spec. Oh well.

As far as my 80s go, Kelesaria is trying to start raiding again. My GL is no longer MIA, and the guild is trying to get going again. Only problem is, all our regulars from before are now MIA most of the time. /Sigh. Jahira has switched her resto spec for a tanking spec, and it's been pretty fun. Playing Bearkat made me realize how much I've missed bear tanking, and it's been good to have Jahira back at it, after being a guild tank for the end of BC. I still run into the random jerks in LFD, but hey, that's what /ignore is for, right? Windstar has been getting some play time, even if it is only to run around picking herbs for Rynia's alchemy. I've missed my lil kitty, and I may start playing her more after I get bored with my leveling binge. My tauren shaman Taarren has been getting somewhat geared up. Switching her back to elemental was definately a good idea. Enhancement was fun, but there's a lot of little details to keep track of in order to play well, and I was getting slightly frustrated with it. Elemental is quite a bit simpler, and tons of fun. Rajji and Tadrith have sadly been neglected. Not that I'm getting tired of huntering, it's just that, when I do want to play a hunter, I want to be on Kel. And honestly, it doesn't really bother me that much.

And then there's Kal. Argh. For reasons that I will get into in a minute, I haven't been able to do much on Kal lately. I have been doing her JC daily, and sometimes I'll do a heroic as well, but then I get bored, or something, and switch to another toon. I really want to play Kal, but when I'm on her... I don't know.

I think mostly, it's just that I have been really depressed lately. Depression is a problem I have had for the last couple of years, but usually I'm able to distract myself from it, with friends and WoW. This time around, however, nothing is really working. Trying not to go into details, but I have just been feeling frustrated, ignored, and alone lately. My brother (when he is not at his base in another state) and one of my WoW friends have been helping, but really, there's only so much they can help me with right now. My schedule and other issues at work, and a ton of financial problems, have only been making it all worse. My job makes me tired all the time, I have health issues that I don't have the money to fix, and I have been having trouble sleeping, even when I'm worn out from work.

So, the point to all this is, I want to say I'm sorry to my Warcraft friends. I don't know if anyone has even noticed my absence from RP time, or when I'm hiding on different servers/factions. But right now, even as lonely as I feel most of the time, I'm just not much fun to be around. I'm trying to get myself over this, it's just taking a while. Hopefully I can be back hanging around with everyone soon, without the bouts of self-pity and grumpiness.

And getting back to my problems with playing Kal... All I can say is, it's just too hard to play a character that is suposed to be happy, as well as being in an awesome relationship with someone she adores, when I am so miserable and lonely. Not to mention the fact that Kal hasn't even seen 'her girl' in-game in weeks. Again, I am sorry. I just can't keep this going on my own, so I'm resorting to avoiding it. The worst part is, all my other RL problems are making it hard to care (much).

This has been one of the hardest posts I have ever written, and I'm probably going to be second-guessing posting it at all for a while. But I wanted the (most likely) few people who know me, who actually read this blog, to know what's been going on.